Sailing update

nav  Subject: Sailing Update      Capt Jack's Bar

Beware – If you see this this sign and you are still in your sailboat, then you will know you have gone too far!!!

capt  Subject: Sailing Update

Yes,, indeed we will have gone too far because Captain Jacks is half a kilometer inland. I am pleased to see your navigation skills are as sharp as ever. Pedro will be joining the crew on the outward voyage after all. He will be taking the position of cabin boy…..and Gabi will be promoted to chief swab.

nav  Subject: Sailing Update

Thank you very much for your endorsement of my navigational skills. It really means a lot to me that you are not like the rest of the bastards! Whenever a policeman asks me to get out of my car and walk in a straight line I always point out that it is counter-productive walking in a straight line if you are going in the wrong direction,  but this fairly obvious argument seems to not impact.

My analyst once told me  “just because you are paranoid does not mean they are not out to get you”. Also, once when I was making an appointment by phone I overheard him say to his secretary “shame, poor boy, he thinks he is delusional”.

I am not sure whether he means this, or if he is just trying coax me to more frequent appointments because I have noticed that I am able to choose any date or time in his somewhat depleted calendar. What do you think?

Anyway, thank you for finally providing me with a good reason for visiting Panama. I am already in training as we speak, and have just flung my third empty bottle of Captain Morgan Dark over my shoulder onto the tray of a passing waitron. Captain Jack’s sounds a little tame but who knows, maybe I will forgo the arduous passage to San Blas and beyond and remain at Captain Jacks for the duration of my visit abroad. Are you going to get the Malaria vaccine yourself ? I will send you my scanned passport when I am sober.

capt   Subject: Sailing Update

I regret we cannot leave you behind in Portobello. You have been appointed Ship’s Navigator. Please bring your sextant. After consulting a higher authority I suggest we all take malaria medication. She recommends Doxycycline.

nav  Subject: Sailing Update

Your message was recovered from my junk list because I have a  filter rule that any email which contains the word “sex” is automatically junked.

floozy  Subject: Sailing Update

That won’t work. Captain Saul will meet you at Captain Jack’s with your xxxtant. There will be a small reward for you if you lose him overboard on the trip. – Higher Authority

Note – Disregard the last email. It was written by the Captain. I do want him back intact! – Higher Authority

nav  Subject: Sailing Update

Talk about honour among thieves!

Ok but we will keep him in the hold until he performs the mariner’s rite of passage for sailing pensioners as practiced by the Kuna Indians and a motley grouping of buccaneer descendants. So, we will return him intact but perhaps a little leaner and more compliant. What is the reward for that?